Brad gets an 'A' for Mathematics.

I'm fairly sure i'm meant to be an heiress.


My dad calls it champagne taste on a beer budget. And I have it. I like my little luxuries. I like cruise ships instead of bus tours. I don't buy cheap perfume. Yes... I'm prone to buying mangoes and cherries. And i DO NOT camp. Ever.

This champagne taste personality flaw kicked in the absolute second we started thinking about building a house.

It's actually quite simple to buy a block of land. We went to see the insipid Bank Dude, proved we're viable, flogged some extra bank pens and fridge magnets for later....signed a few forms.... and ta da! Welcome to land ownership. OK, so we still hadn't actually seen the land at this stage, but we had it on good authority that it exists (It's on the Internet ok?)

It all comes down to numbers.

Choices in life. All numbers. At least that how it seems for us at the moment. There are some seriously cool house plans out there. And who knew we actually NEED something called a 'media room'? How many storeys do we want? Do we want split level? Do we want an 'activity centre' attached to the spare bedroom? An '1800' length bath? Good grief! It's nice to be lost in fantasy land temporarily and pretend we have 'the numbers' to afford a funky mansion with a Zen courtyard plunge pool and a third storey balcony overlooking the waterfall...

So, a couple of phone calls to family later and apparently it actually IS true that I'm not an heiress. They weren't waiting until now to tell me. They had meant it when i was a teenager and threw a tantrum and demanded to know whether a) I'm adopted, and b) I'm actually an heiress and will come into money at some stage. No on both counts apparently. How boringly normal and middle class of me. BTW, Is there some sort of system where you make a reservation to be born a Hilton? Never mind, the block's not big enough to accommodate an enormous house anyway. And as everyone who can't have a huge house says... just IMAGINE the CLEANING!

The other magic number to consider when choosing our house plan was the number 'zero'. Zero, in Mountford Mathematical terms being the amount of debt we choose to have after selling up in Canberra, buying land, building a house and getting our kit and caboodle across Australia. Zero. Zero. Zero. Not ONE cent more.

So, suddenly Brad's a mathematician. He's possessed. Within a week our Canberra abode had been valued by half a dozen people (just to be sure), the moving costs calculated with several companies and a list of things called 'contingencies' constructed. Yeah, I know... I'm meant to be helping, but quite frankly, I was the one lost in 'media room' and 'Zen courtyard plunge pool' frenzy. Stupid 'zero'. Stupid 'not being an heiress'...

So here it is. The house plan we shall call 'Zero'. It has the all important 'media room', which i have now figured out is just modern Bogan-speak for Lounge Room. Doh!

http://www.collierhomes.com.au/residentabode/norwood.htm

It's ok huh? I mean really... if i need to check my chakra and Zen out, I can just play in the bath with a scented candle and home waxing kit from Target like any other good Bogan chick!

So, before you can say 'sustainable bamboo flooring and limestone double-brick' we've got ourselves a house plan!